The Review Page!

The Club is scored out of five stars in five categories as shown in the Score Chart right. The score has been compiled by our panel of expert judges at i-lap.net as well as including reviews that have been sent in by customers via our review e-mail system. How the scoring works......

Hospitality

Score of 1= You have spent ages haggling with the door man to get you in who then charges you an extortionate price. No girls approach you or your group.

Score of 5= The doorman charges you nothing or a very reduced cover price and welcomes your custom. As soon as you step into the room you are surrounding by a bevy of beauties!!

The Girls

Score of 1= The ratio is 130 guys to one girl! They all seem local are you even recognise one of them. Overall the quality seems poor and the first question they ask is 'do you wanna a dance?' Once you say 'not yet' they move on to the next guy.

Score of 5= She spends time with you and shows a general interest as if on a date. I girl like this is a man's wildest dreams. You can't stop looking at her body and 'man' she is beautiful. The ratio is one girl to five guys! They seem care free and frolicky!!!

The Dance

Score of 1= You may well have stayed at home and watched the wife get undressed. She is not groomed and her breasts are like a couple of roofer's nail bags!! She dances like your dad! You can hear the birdy song in the background!

Score of 5= She knows what she's doing. She has more moves than a well oiled chess piece and she knows how to use it. You think she fancies you. At least 2 songs are completed including your request for Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody!!

Value

Score of 1= At £25/$50 a dance, this is not good. The cover price is over rated and the drinks are highly priced. This will hammer your wallet hard and the wife will notice.

Score of 5= Not cheap as this signifies poor girls, but reasonably priced. At £15/$30 a dance you are gonna have more than one and with reasonably priced beer that may turn into five. The cover price is reasonable and they appreciate that you are hear to spend some money. Return half price vouchers are even handed to you on the way out!

The Club

Score of 1= It would be quicker to get up on stage myself. No routine or rota and the girls don't seem happy to be there. The music is poor like some 70's porn movie and it could easily be staged in my front room. A clientele that could include my grandad but his seat is already taken by the local drunk!

Score of 5= More poles than a firemans convention and more girls on stage than a chorus line. Great music and stunning surroundings. A clientele that oozes class and intrigue, 'wow' what a place!